Sexology is becoming Holistic
Pleasure is essential
Cross Cultural Sexuality
‘Don’t yuck my yum’
It wasn’t all positive
The Future of Sexology
A Sex Positive Future
Spoiler alert: Female ejaculate is NOT pee.
The pudendal orgasm is more localized in genitals and prostate orgasms are full bodied, explosive, legs shake, can see stars…wow!
Do not vibrate! Meditate! Turn that vibration off!
Women mistake the urge to ejaculate for the urge to pee.
While a partner can be the catalyst, it is up to us women to get to know our own bodies and, dammit, start self pleasuring.
Deborah Sundahl teaches workshops on the G-spot all around the world. Visit her site to see the next workshops coming up.
She is teaching the Feminine Fountain Experience Weekend Workshop for Women in Germany on November 3-5, 2017 for International English Speakers. Learn more here.
I love toys, as they are the easiest way for people, and especially women to experience their sexuality. Sex toys help you get to know what you like, and don’t like. As a Sexologist, I always recommend solo play as the foundation to healthy and satisfying partnered sex, because you get to know your own sexual response cycle.
Think of them as an add on for the bedroom. A cool little accessory. They don’t replace a real, live, breathing human being, but they are perfect for when you are alone, or as a fun extra for coupled play.
Sex Toys can look daunting to a beginner, so let me break down the basics of the range of products available for PLEASURE.
Another reason I love toys, is that they make solo or partnered play more accessible for people who are disabled or with limited mobility. They are great for Spoonies, and for chronic exhaustive conditions, as they provide the right stimulation when you have little to no energy to do it for yourself. WIN!
Vibrators, dildo’s, g-spot stimulators, anal toys (beads, plugs), prostate toys, cock rings, pumps.
These are the most well known toys. The cool thing about vibrators, is a modern trend that they come in all shapes and sizes, and most of them are NOT penis-shaped. This makes them non-threatening, and not obviously sex toys. Many vibrators are designed to look like something else, so they can be on display with only you knowing what they’re really for. For beginners, the simplest thing is a little bullet vibe.
Dildos are meant solely for penetration (vaginal or anal), and these can be shaped to look just like a penis, or something else, which is ideal for people who aren’t into penises. (For instance, an alien tentacle. No, seriously.) Dildos can be used along with a vibrator, or solo, and can be made from a wide variety of materials (silicone, plastic, wood, glass, jelly).
Recently, crystal dildos have started to become popular.
G-spot toys can be vibrators, or just something made of hard plastic, glass or even metal. They need to be made of something harder, ideally, because they better stimulate the g-spot. They are curved upwards to reach the elusive g-spot, which rests at near to the entrance to the vagina, and closest to the belly.
When doing anal play, use LOTS AND LOTS of LUBE! The anus is not self lubricating, so you need lots of lube to make it comfortable.
The g-spot for men is the prostate. Prostate toys can be vibrating, or non vibrating, and a man who likes his prostate stimulated has nothing to do with his sexual orientation
Cock rings are designed to maintain an erection, and can have an added vibrator. There are other cock rings that are designed for coupled play which have a vibrator attached. DON’T wear a cock ring for longer than half an hour, because they cut off the circulation to the penis.
Harnesses are designed to be worn around the waist, or even the knee, and will have a dildo attached. These are for penetration, and can be worn by anyone- women, men or gender non conforming.
Also known as Penis pumps, these are designed for men who struggle to get, or maintain an erection. They can also be used for the clitoris, or any other part of the body that you want to increase sensation.
I haven’t covered other products that don’t technically count as toys, such as pillows, chairs, floggers, spanking paddles, restraints and the wide variety of lubes and sensation inducing gels.
For absolute beginners, I always recommend something small and inexpensive, like a bullet vibe. This gives you the chance to try out what a vibrator feels like before committing to something with a higher price. However, I will always advise that when you want a good quality toy, you need to be prepared to pay more.
Use lube! Water based is best, as silicone based will degrade silicone toys. For women, avoid any lube with glycerine, or added sugar because these will interfere with the Ph of your vagina and cause yeast infections. For flavoured lubes, they are ideally best not used on a vulva because of the sugar content, but if you do, make sure to wash it off straight afterwards.
Buy proper sex toy cleaner. Not hot water. Not washing up liquid. Not, for god’s sake, anti bacterial cleaner! Sex Toy cleaner. I don’t need to explain the science that they can collect a lot of bacteria, and harsh cleaning products will degrade them very quickly. Plus, you don’t want to be getting those harsh chemicals inside of you. Buy specially made sex toy cleaner, clean them straight after use, and store them somewhere dry.
Be mindful of the material. Always look for high quality silicone when thinking of the long term, as cheaper materials degrade quickly. Remember, you are often inserting toys into your body, so any cheap material is going to get into your blood stream.
A sex toy won’t fix a struggling relationship. They are an add on, an accessory. They bring something new into the bedroom and can change up a boring routine. But if your relationship is in trouble, they won’t solve it. Hire a Certified Sex Coach, or couples’ therapist.
You can’t get ‘addicted’ to vibrators. You can become dependent on them, but in the words of the great Betty Dodson, ‘An orgasm, is an orgasm, is an orgasm’. Vibrators are the goddess’s gift for women who have never experienced orgasm, or who struggle to orgasm (which is actually one of the most common sexual concerns for women). So why restrict the pleasure? If you need a vibrator to orgasm, then surely that’s better than never orgasming at all, right? Claim your sexual pleasure, dammit.
Not everyone likes sex toys. And that’s ok! Sex toys aren’t for everyone, and if they don’t appeal to you, then that’s ok too. Again, a sex toy is never meant to replace a human. A sex toy can’t provide the same energy, and flexibility of a human hand or tongue. They are an accessory, something to add more fun to the bedroom.
If you want to learn more about the joys of sex toys, and the range that Ann Summers offer, click here to contact me.
Hi I'm Lucy. I'm a Certified Sex Coach, Empath and Writer. I am on a mission to empower you to be your brightest, fullest and juiciest self. I believe sex, spirit and transformation are the keys to be your most shining self, so dive in and discover more on this site. Let's work together.
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